Still I Rise

Recently I really struggled when someone very close to me had really offended me. I kept my hurt bottled up for such a long time and did not say anything, and a tsunami of hurt and anger suddenly overwhelmed all happy memories I had with him.

For privacy’s sake, I’ll spare the details. But the circumstances left me very deep wounds. I did respond with my gut and fire off words that oozed a “poor me” attitude. But in the end, I just felt like a total loser in doing so.

The situation affected me so much and sleep wouldn’t come. (I took sleeping pills inspite of the palpitations they give me.) Instead, this relatively small hurt triggered memories of similar offenses. Suddenly, my molehill grew into a mountain.

Tossing and turning, I struggled to balance my legitimate hurt with guilt over what could I have contributed that might have caused the person to offend me. Finally, I asked myself how could I please him without denying my pain. I am always unable to handle confrontation well; my default mode tends toward apologizing—even when the reason for a relational schism isn’t my fault—to restore peace and harmony.

And now I continue to search for answers. In one of my moments alone, I heard a little voice deep inside me. It nudged me to apologize only for the tone of my response, not for the honest act of expressing my hurt. I am reminded that while loved ones might inadvertently injure me, deceive me or even treat me unfairly, they, not I, answer for that behavior. I’m only accountable for my reactions and the hurt I create with my responses.

Life is all about choices. And so, I choose to rise. To rise above the mountain of anger, guilt, self-pity and doubt. Despite this inglorious chapter in my life story…still I rise.

Still I Rise – Yolanda Adams

Shattered, but I'm not broken
Wounded, but time will heal
Heavy the load, the cross I bear
Lonely the road I trod, I dare
Shaken, but here I stand
Weary, Still I press on
Long are the nights, the tears I cry
Dark are the days, no sun in the sky, yes
Chorus:
Yet still I rise
Never to give up
Never to give in against all odds
Yet still I rise
High above the clouds
At times I feel low
Yet still I rise
Sometimes I'm troubled, but not in despair
Struggling, I make my way through
Trials, they come to make me strong
I must endure, I must hold on
Chorus
Above all my problems
Above all my eyes can see
Knowing God is able to strengthen me
To strengthen me
Yet still I rise
Never to give up
Oh, Never to give in against all odds
Yet still I rise
High above the clouds
At times I feel low
Yet still I
I need to know which way to go
Yet still I
At times I feel low
Yet still I
Oh Oh Oh I rise
Yet still I rise
Oh yes I do, yeah yeah

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