Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Stumbling Upon A Prayer

In a tangible example of "life must go on," I tried to drag myself out of bed and remind myself that I had chores to do. Yep, this morning was just another of those usual lazy, boring days. I just couldn't get out of bed and quite automatically, I pointed the remote on the TV to watch my morning favorite, The Ellen DeGeneres show.

But something pulled my eyes to the bookshelf beside the tv. Made of dark-colored wood and missing one leg, the bookshelf had housed my mom's old literature titles, three sets of encyclopedia, and now, it's a hodgepodge collection of contemporary literature, inspirational titles and business books. I found myself scanning every title, and my eyes surprisingly stopped to study one book, as if I haven't seen it before. It had become one of those "shelf-help" books, gathering dust, dirt and mites over quite a couple of years now since I bought it. "Powerful Prayers" by Larry King...the white letters against the black spine were glaring at me. I hesitatingly picked it up (thinking a day without TV wouldn't hurt anyhow) leafed through its already browning pages, and very surprisingly I just couldnt put it down.

In the book, the famed talk-show host Larry King, decides to embark on an odyssey with Rabbi Irwin Katsof. An agnostic himself, Larry King gets a myriad of answers by interviewing celebrities, world leaders and religious people.

It's amazing how different people feel about prayer. Some say it's a conversation with God, or with your inner self. For some, it's a duty, for some it could be a waste of time, and for some it's repetitive words work, for some merely listening provides answers. Interestingly, in one way or another, everybody prays. And inspite of all the differences, through prayer, we acknowledge our powerlessness, our vulnerability.

It's really comforting to know, that as we bow down our heads in prayer, we are joined by Margaret Thatcher, The Dalai Lama, Muhammad Ali, Rene Russo, Goldie Hawn. Big names, but just a few of the billions of hushed voices, thoughts resonating. Yes indeed, however different our language is or our prayers are..we are one.. as we humble ourselves before a higher spirit.

We are living in a world profoundly shaped by the mass media, and new technologies. We become what society dictates us to be. Prayer tells us : who we are inside, all we need to do is listen.

Oh yes indeed, "life will go on". We may trip or stumble along the way. A prayer in our pocket would make a difference.


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Friday, May 08, 2009

Angels Among Us


"We are each of us angels with only one wing. And we can only fly embracing each other." -- Luciano De Crescenzo

I've thought about it for quite some time now. For me angels manifest signs that God is everywhere. I look around and find myself looking at people and events with wide eyed wonder.

We often don't stop and contemplate all the good things in life. we are all touched by angels all the time. But we perhaps are so busy being angry or hurt or wrapped up in our own problems that we just don't notice the angels around us ready to help, encourage or just give us a smile. i particularly love it when a small child (a stranger) just gives that fleeting little shy smile which you can take with you in your heart for a while, a man who offered his seat to you, or a friend who is willing to listen and let you cry on her shoulder.

Although they don’t arrive with a blast of trumpets, or appear with feathered wings and glowing halos, I've known them just the same as angels. They perform their acts in human guise, sometimes borrowing the faces of family and friends, and sometimes just posing as well-meaning strangers.

I am blessed to have angels on my side. You know who you are. Your unwavering support, friendship, and kind words are as inspiring and heartfelt as any I have known.

I've had an angel on my shoulder, for years. But it's true that all you need to do is open your eyes to see the angels that enter our lives, every day!


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Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Home Alone

i should have posted some of stuff but I was

busy


freaking


out.



The whole family, including nephews, nieces, cousins, left for the province...

all but me!


Well, it will only be just for 4 days.



4 days HOME ALONE!


waaaah!



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Tuesday, April 21, 2009

And Life Unfolds Step-by-Step




De La Costa Walkway through Landmark, Glorietta and SM to Ayala MRT. This was my usual route going home from work. And yes I miss those 15 to 20 minute walks, for I truly enjoyed it my walking buddies. But I used to think that if I had to do it alone, it sucks big time. Well okay, maybe it is a good exercise, but to keep my heart pumping, Turbo Jam is my best option. As long as I think of walking as an exercise, I never made it past the door.

There was a time I was so emotionally upset I felt as if I would jump out of my skin, and so I bolted out of the house. Filled with disappointments, painful memories and my own unrealistic expressions from the past--terrified of what the future held and the changes that were inevitable--the only safe place for me was the present moment: My foot against the pavement, the wind on my face, my breath entering and leaving the body. After forty minutes I stopped, discovered how far I have walked and headed back home calm and centered.

I enjoy walking alone now. I still do not it for exercise. I walk for for my soul and my body tags along.

photo grabbed from JoeBrill on Flickr



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Sunday, April 19, 2009

The Sun is Up Again

I would like to thank my friends for helping me to come out of the tunnel. The sun is coming out again in my life. I am getting back in control of my emotions, my family, my career. Though there are no positive feedbacks yet from the resumes I've churned, I am just so goddamn content at the moment.

Things will get better. I am slowly resurfacing from the muck. I am now making plans. So starting tomorrow:

1. I will wake up early, sip my tea and go jogging or perhaps do a turbo jam workout.
2. I will keep myself busy by reading (books that I've bought but never been read). I will have read at least 2 good books a month.
3. I will take a creative writing course as well.
4. I'm going back to journaling to rediscover my authentic self.
5. I'm going to take advantage of my free time for my family.

I am not a much of a planner, but it makes me feel good. It gives me something to focus on. It keeps me from sitting in front of the TV saying "hey get up and move!"

Now, as I look around I feel my life is full and brimming. I now notice small miracles, a friend's comforting words, my fluffy pillow, a child's sweet embrace, and a lot more. Thank you God for blessing me.


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Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Defense Against the Dark Arts

“Lord Voldemort’s gift for spreading discord and enmity is very great. We can fight it only by showing an equally strong bond of friendship and trust.” - Albus Dumbledore

Can you remember a time when after pulling yourself up out of the muck and more of feeling bad, you have found the joy of doing and feeling good, only to have someone or something bad push you back down into the mud?

Last week, I have been up in spirits. I am very optimistic that all will be well soon. I didn't give self-limiting beliefs and negative thoughts a chance to take over the way I look at life. I blessed everything, everyone. I was so happy. This morning, I was even happier and all giddy when my headhunter texted me telling me that she has something for me and that she super recommended me to this US multinational company. The senior exec called me up in the evening to sched a meeting. Meeing agad? Well, what the heck, eto na to! Suddenly, all my hopes were shattered when Issa told me to do some research because I might have been duped. So took her advice, googled the name of the person who called me, and voila.... I am misled that I have been presented a great job opportunity. Networking pla in disguise of a job opportunity. I don't have any problems with MLMs, it's just that I hate it when people deceive to attract wealth, people, relationships. I hate it when people take advantage of other people's weaknesses, ignorance, misfortunes, vulnerabilities. So ayun, this person had my hopes up, only to make me fall on my face. It hurts, it only made my troubles worse. I hate feeling like this and I really want to get out of this rut.

There is a dark force, an energy, which enters life at the most inconvenient times, in very disruptive ways. Some would call it the devil, others negative energy or bad vibes. If or when this force enters our lives, we call it trouble, problem, challenge, crisis, adversity. Whatever it is, I have to be aware. When the dark force enters my life, it has only one intent: to whip my butt. That's right, the darkness is out to beat me.

Darkness is not afraid of me. Defending myself against darkness with brute force will only get us beaten up pretty badly. I want to swear at my headhunter for having misled me. But then, mapapagod lang ako. My vision will only be shattered even more.

What will I do? This time I'll have to stop proving myself to anyone.
1. I will finds depth and strength in my friends, beyond what I know
2. I will I will humble myself. I will lie down, cover my face....and then raise my voice in prayer, trusting that help is on the way. I will protect myself with prayer and trust.

Today, I am devoted to calling on the Great Defender if I am confronted by forces of darkness!

-Until Today


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Monday, April 13, 2009

Wonder Twin Powers ...Activate!


Thank God, my kids are starting to help out in the housework. Yanna washed the dishes, Angela sorted out the clothes, Chloe and Andrea helped take out the clutter. Although the analogy is rather crude, I thought of our teawork as a bit like that of the Wonder Twins.

Like most 80's kids, I am an early Saturday morning riser, because of the Saturday Fun Machine aired in Channel 9. One of my favorites is Superfriends. which features the Wonder Twins, Zan and Jayna. These teenage aliens have the power to transform themselves into an animal or water form in order to help save the day. To do this, they had to bump their fists and say the words - you guessed it - Wonder Twin Powers - ACTIVATE!

So ano ang connection sa mga masisipag kong kids? Ano ang connection sa life?

Individually, the Wonder twins were just teenage aliens from Exxor, with a pet monkey called Gleek. They could only use their powers if they worked together! Individually we may be strong, but together we can be very powerful.

Oo, laos na ang Wonder twins, pero di naman nalalaos ang synergy from teamwork e. So Kung gusto nyo ma-activate ang power, magtulungan na lang. Things can get done when we help each other. Much greater things are always bound to happen when two or more agree and work together.



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Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Undomestic gets Domestic

Today, Melody, our househelp for 3 years is leaving. She's gotten homesick and yearns to go back to the simple life. I begged, cried and wailed. Alas, my cries of despair fell on deaf ears. What a shame....

This is horrible, for I am the ultimate shirker of cleaning. Believe me, I have tried. If there is a way to avoid the mop or the flat iron, I will find it! Don't get me wrong, my mother trained me in the fine art of cleaning, but I really find domestic chores exhausting and boring. You tidy your house one day and the very next morning, it's time to start all over again. It will never stop. When I was younger, I was always the one sent to go to the market or pay the bills....or...well you get the picture. When I started having my own family, I demanded that I will be the one to take care of the baby (so i that I would get more sleep) and perhaps a little bit of cooking while my family gets someone to do the cleaning (well, you can just imagine the irritation of my in-laws...hehe).

This morning Alan my dear husband asked: "Are you going to do the laundry today? I'm just about out of clean underwear." I hesitated checking out the laundry hamper, too afraid that I would see it turn into a laundry mountain which kept growing and moving like Oscar the Grouch's dream glacier.

But today, everything needs to change. If Mary Poppins could make this fun, why can't I? I woke up early and checked out the things that need to be done--the dishes piling up the sink, the clutter in my closet, and rooting out the dust and grime in every little nook and cranny, and so on. With my domestic guardian angel by my side, I guess I will survive.

At this very moment, I am visualizing the smiles and hugs, as my loved ones walk from room to room. I shall sit back, sip my glass of iced tea and and watch their expressions as they discover what color the curtain really is. The moment that will make it all worthwhile, is when they seem hesitant to use the bathroom, just in case they make a mess.

And so after the housework is finished, I shall treat myself to something decadent. I'll have my nails done, and get that long overdue massage.

Today, the Undomestic Goddess becomes Domestic.

She has become the Domestic Diva.




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Saturday, April 04, 2009

Life Is a Bag of Jelly Beans too...

One lazy afternoon, Chloe, my girl three, decided that we invade the Jelly Bean bag Tita Marie gave us. We just love jellybeans, the chewiness and the softness inside. What I love best about them is the mystery flavor each colored jelly bean brings.

Adventurous as she is, she suggested to eat the Jelly Beans at random, which means no choosing of flavors, well just to make it more exciting. I would pick one from the bag, sniff it, hoping it's not licorice or cinnamon, then pop it in my mouth. Chloe would do the same too. There were good ones and there were bad ones. The strawberry daiquiri jelly beans tasted delicious. So did the strawberry cheesecake ones. The buttered popcorn ones were so-so, but the caramel popcorn jelly beans were oh-so yummy. We both hated cinnamon and licorice, but we had to eat all anyway.

"Jelly Beans are different colors and flavors. A lot like life, which is always full of mysteries." I told Chloe. "All of us will have to experience the sweetness, spicyness, sourness and bitterness to really appreciate life. You will experience getting hurt, abused, rejected. It is your choice whether to react, or act on it, or just do nothing about it. And your choice is important...as it will show you who you really are."

"So when any of these troubles come, you know what to do, okay?"

Chloe replied with a sheepish grin: "It's simple, mommy...Enjoy your Jelly Beans!"





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Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Still I Rise

Recently I really struggled when someone very close to me had really offended me. I kept my hurt bottled up for such a long time and did not say anything, and a tsunami of hurt and anger suddenly overwhelmed all happy memories I had with him.

For privacy’s sake, I’ll spare the details. But the circumstances left me very deep wounds. I did respond with my gut and fire off words that oozed a “poor me” attitude. But in the end, I just felt like a total loser in doing so.

The situation affected me so much and sleep wouldn’t come. (I took sleeping pills inspite of the palpitations they give me.) Instead, this relatively small hurt triggered memories of similar offenses. Suddenly, my molehill grew into a mountain.

Tossing and turning, I struggled to balance my legitimate hurt with guilt over what could I have contributed that might have caused the person to offend me. Finally, I asked myself how could I please him without denying my pain. I am always unable to handle confrontation well; my default mode tends toward apologizing—even when the reason for a relational schism isn’t my fault—to restore peace and harmony.

And now I continue to search for answers. In one of my moments alone, I heard a little voice deep inside me. It nudged me to apologize only for the tone of my response, not for the honest act of expressing my hurt. I am reminded that while loved ones might inadvertently injure me, deceive me or even treat me unfairly, they, not I, answer for that behavior. I’m only accountable for my reactions and the hurt I create with my responses.

Life is all about choices. And so, I choose to rise. To rise above the mountain of anger, guilt, self-pity and doubt. Despite this inglorious chapter in my life story…still I rise.

Still I Rise – Yolanda Adams

Shattered, but I'm not broken
Wounded, but time will heal
Heavy the load, the cross I bear
Lonely the road I trod, I dare
Shaken, but here I stand
Weary, Still I press on
Long are the nights, the tears I cry
Dark are the days, no sun in the sky, yes
Chorus:
Yet still I rise
Never to give up
Never to give in against all odds
Yet still I rise
High above the clouds
At times I feel low
Yet still I rise
Sometimes I'm troubled, but not in despair
Struggling, I make my way through
Trials, they come to make me strong
I must endure, I must hold on
Chorus
Above all my problems
Above all my eyes can see
Knowing God is able to strengthen me
To strengthen me
Yet still I rise
Never to give up
Oh, Never to give in against all odds
Yet still I rise
High above the clouds
At times I feel low
Yet still I
I need to know which way to go
Yet still I
At times I feel low
Yet still I
Oh Oh Oh I rise
Yet still I rise
Oh yes I do, yeah yeah



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Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Don't Give Up

"Don’t Give Up", a very inspiring song by Josh Groban “The Voice”, blew me away the first time I heard it. A wonderful melody and an amazing baritone voice…a perfect combination which is able to deliver an inspiring message of hope...just giving us the lift that we need.


Don’t give up
It’s just the weight of the world
When you’re heart’s heavy
I…I will lift it for you

Don’t give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I…I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved

Don’t give up
It’s just the hurt that you hide
When you lost inside
I…I will be there to find you

Don’t give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I…I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved
You are loved

Don’t give up
It’s just the weight of the world
Don’t give up
Every one is to be heard
You are loved


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Friday, February 23, 2007

A Rollercoaster Ride

The past few days was an emotional roller coaster ride for me. I would get excited over one job offer and then be disappointed with another. One moment, I was juggling multiple offers, the next moment, I'd get anxious, I'd lose it all. I have been waiting far too long for answers...and darn! I was getting impatient. I was afraid of making the wrong choices, afraid of not being happy with the path I'd choose to tread on.

The roller coaster goes dipping, dropping, and looping then in the midst of it all, I am led to an awareness that what’s happening is part of the Lord’s grand plan for me. I will never know what lies ahead. I may not be in control of the future but, I could take steps in directing my emotions. What is important is that I prepared myself as possible to spring ahead and that preparation begins with courage and an introspective journey.


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Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Realization

I've come to understand something... that we couldn't change one another and there is a reason why people act as such. We have to widen our understanding and be constantly on guard to reacting to it. In doing so, we learn to be at peace with one another and more importantly with ourselves.


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Friday, April 01, 2005

confused

clutter...clutter...clutter...
at home, at work, my brain, my heart...
have to do some housecleaning then....
yet i need to take a rest from work...

when i get home there are dishes to wash, laundry to do, kids to love...
well that's what a mother is...


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Monday, August 09, 2004

still

what am i still doing this late? i should be sleeping..but i just couldnt. hey, i told myself to be early today for work but, im still here staring at the screen. I have to wake up early to prep alyanna to school. she has a quiz on decimals and she still hasnt opened her math notes. i just want to rest but i couldnt...lots of things to do...im a busy person after all.


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