Saturday, May 02, 2009

Unspeakable Joy

Since Wednesday, I've been all by myself. My family went to the province for a holiday and I chose to stay because I have appointments I couldn't cancel. Initially, I thought it would drive me crazy. It certainly felt strange without the chaos, the clutter and the noise at home. And now there is only strange silence...

However, I find joy amidst the silence. At last, I can now have my own inner journeys. I rejoice as I embark on my own holiday---an exciting adventure, an exploration to know my inner child.

I cried at mass today...I don't know why. I just cried not because I feel lonely that my family still hasn't come back to the province and I am hearing mass by myself. I felt an overwhelmingly unspeakable joy as I felt God's love embracing me today. I did not even utter a single word. I just listened and whatever it is taking over my being is so intense that I just let my tears stream down on my face.

During homily. the priest narrated a story of an extraordinary relationship between a shepherd and his flock. There was this shepherd in Africa who doesn't count his sheep. And so he was asked how would he know if he lost any of the sheep without doing a headcount. He answered: "I would know because, I would miss him that instant." The shepherd would not feel that there's something missing but this specific sheep is missing. Just as I know what I have been missing for days family. And that's how God's love for us is like. If we are lost, he would know. He would look for us wait for us to come back to Him.

After mass, I headed to the mall to have lunch. I noticed a group of women gathered around a table having a bible study...I found a place near where they are gathered and focused on enjoying the sisig I was craving for weeks now. However, I just couldn't help but overhear the discussion coming from the group of ladies. The were talking about "wisdom". As I've been wisdom-searching for a long time now, my ears sort of perked up like a dog's. I noted one rather small lady who I presume to be the eldest in the group. She's small but her words are big enough to strike me. I recall her saying: "Knowledge is different from wisdom. You can get knowledge from books, from school, from anybody. On the other hand, wisdom comes straight from God. You ask and it will be given to you." As soon as she said this, our eyes met...she gave me a comforting smile. And then I know for sure...she is definitely an angel.